Samu Haber

I got a big bruise on my knee. At the Zurich show last Monday I ran to the end of the cat walk at “Me Free My Way” and I hit one of the lamps. First one lamp fell down and then another one as they were all attached to the same cable. In that moment I didn’t feel a thing and I only thought “good that everything is insured.” Then when I climbed on the piano for “That Time Of year” I felt my knee. Skinny tight jeans. I love my bruise. I hope it stays for a month as it reminds me of what just happened.
 
This tour was intense. Everyone in the band & crew say the same. 11 shows in 15 days and in between lots of traveling. A flu also hit most of us, including me. I even had fever. I was so lucky that my fever night happened right after the Hamburg show and I had a full off day to recover. I must have made a world record eating all kinds of drops and taking hot showers, but as I woke up on the Braunschweig show day, my body temperature was back to normal. A miracle. Of course it’s not the best idea to have three shows in a row after having fever, but show must go on.
 
I can’t express how I admire my crew. The people who’ve been with me for years but also the new boys and girls who joined for this October. No words. They are the best people in the world at what they do and nothing ever is a problem they won’t solve and nobody ever asks how long the day will be. Extra mile is being run every day without blinking an eye. Seeing them wear “Hapa Haber Crew” gear... Best team.
 
Last year after the tour I was not in the best place with myself after all the stress and also my inner monsters. I was diagnosed with burnout then, but I didn’t talk about it with the crew. Still some of them saw through me at the last shows and as we went home, they asked me if there’s anything they could do. Texting the guy, your employer, who gets all the spotlight and all the goods in the world... That long evening walk with my visual designer Mikko in the darkness of a November storm in Helsinki was one of the biggest moments of my early winter last year. He’ll never understand. Me shaking and probably him shaking with his own life too, but him being the calm friend telling me I’ll be fine. Big things. The biggest. Just to mention one of them. It’s unbelievable to have two double decker busses full of people like that on tour. The hugs were strong with everyone after the last show in Luxembourg. Biggest things.
 
The Three Musketeers
 
Drummer Risto told me before the Luxembourg show that it’s our show number 100 together. You can feel it on stage. We have become a unit and it all just works. And playing an instrument is one thing, but what happens off stage is 97% of our time together and therefore that matters even more. There are a thousand musicians in the world who could play the stuff at the show you just saw. But there aren’t many souls on the planet with who I’ll travel, live, breathe, eat and hang out in a bus for weeks. We started this project by agreeing we’d always talk about everything. Even the smallest little bits if anything ever bothers anyone or if something makes someone feel bad somehow. This is the best and the only way you can ever have a good relationship with someone. This is more powerful than any battle tank. Nothing can come between us.
 
Guys. I don’t have to tell the world how great you are as musicians. Thousands of people have witnessed your skills with their own eyes and ears already. But how you are as human beings and how you tolerate and accept me as I am, it’s beautiful. And how you all are every day. I’m quite successful in what I do because I’ve always been the least skilled and the least talented person in the room or on stage. That’s my happy place. Operating at my limits as everyone around me is so much better than me. Keeping my eyes and ears open so I can learn. Every day. Thank you boys. You have reached a level of respect and love in my heart where there’s no way out. I love you and you know it. 
 
I know how to write songs. And I know how promotion and business work. I know how live shows are built and I have a pretty good hunch on what works and what doesn’t. But there’s one thing I will never understand. And that is you. I’m a fifty year old high school dropout from Southern Finland. I was never the handsome guy and according to the IQ test they made in the Army, I’m medium intelligent. The good average, like most people. But still you people are the way you are and you’re there every single night. At shows in Finnish or in English. At the Voice or at random visits to the strangest TV studios. Everywhere. At festivals. And before and after them too creating your campaigns sharing your love and throwing elephants at me. You are gold. There were a few nights on this tour I told the band guys we might have a less energetic crowd and that we shouldn’t expect too much as it was Monday. Wrong, Samu. You are amazing. Everywhere, every night and every time.
 
What my calendar says about the next six months
 
21 Ice Hockey games (Optional)
1 Tattoo appointment
1 Hair Cut 
1 Massage
1 Drill holes for paintings at home with dad
1 Bring boat (Booa Helsinki III) to the docks for winter
1 Muse concert in Dusseldorf at PSD Bank Dome. The Arena.
7 Studio Days Songwriting (Helsinki & Berlin)
Lots of sauna, BJJ, Boxing, Pilates and seeing family and friends. But easy on this, there’s no rush. 
 
I have no tour plans or music release plans and I will not talk about anything like that before next spring. I’m so privileged and lucky to have this. Freedom. I’m not sure I deserve it, but I’ll take it and use it. My psychologist said last year in October that recovery from burn out takes a few years. I’m not in a hurry to recover and I probably never fully will, but I will give myself time to smell and admire life around me. What I learned from studying the topic is that even in low energy or hard moments in life, you should do things that make you feel good. Writing songs makes me happy. Playing shows also makes happy. When it’s the right amount. How you people medicated me these evenings this autumn, you have no idea. I’m not known as  the guy who sits still and reads a book for a month. But now I will. And I’m so proud I have declined every TV offer and other opportunity for now. That is a good start. Good boy, Samu. But I know there will be the day I’ll tune the guitars again and I’ll pull on the skinny jeans for the stage. God bless skinny jeans. 
 
Who Do I?
 
Few nights on this tour I regretted telling Adam (My friend. Also great photographer) the story behind “Who Do I.” It was difficult looking at him as we played the song as now he somehow saw deeper into me. How I wrote it for this tiny dancer as she was standing at my door step for the last time a few years ago . “Who do I send my songs to.” I used to send her every song I wrote and she used to love them all and then create dance moves to some of them. It’s so beautiful you can take separate ways in life and still feel only gratitude for everything that time together gave you. 
 
There’s something about this song. I heard my crew people talk about the show at lunch last week and someone said “Who Do I” is their favourite. And when I released the song two years ago, Mark Forster came to me at the Voice Of Germany backstage saying  “Samu, you released a beautiful song last night..” Mark. Of all people. 
 
Hey tiny dancer out there somewhere. I hope you’re doing well and remember my door is always open for you if the world hits you hard. May you shine and charm them all with your light. And you should know, I’m good here. A bit tired like I always am after tours, but my heart is as warm as it has ever been. And about the song title. Don’t worry about it. One day you’ll witness how these people sing it. The song started with you, but it belongs to these angels at these Rooms and halls now. But thank you for landing by me. 
 
“We’re not islands in the sea
All connected through the centuries
Do we heal our scars or do we pass them on
Do we use our hearts for what they were made for…”
 
The world around is not too pretty right now. Scary things is nothing new, but now the trend is awful. We’re all afraid for very understandable reasons and it seems like many friendly words somehow get buried under fear. After seeing how you were the last few weeks again changed many things for me. How I see the future. You shine so much love and good and you’re so kind and warm. I know we have a chance. Thank you for bringing faith and hope into my heart. Together we can overcome anything. I have seen it in you.
 
You already felt it in Vienna and the feeling never went away. Not even in a hot fever shower in Hamburg. Thank you people for the best tour I have ever been on. And thank you for the first 20 years of this circus. 
 
Today was the most beautiful October day in Helsinki. + 12 and sunny. Leafs are falling and flying with wind. It's that time of year. It’s so good to be home. Melting with love on my home sofa. 

XX
 
Samu